Research shows that emotionally intelligent leaders are more effective at personal accomplishments and getting better performance from their teams (Miao, Humphrey & Qian, 2018). Emotional Intelligence (EI) is at the core of many important human skills listed by the National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE), like communication, professionalism, leadership, and equity/inclusion. Its importance is skyrocketing as uniquely human connections rise in importance in an age of generative artificial intelligence (AI) (Beck & Libert, 2017).
However, like all good things, EI has its downside. That might sound counterintuitive; after all, how could things like social awareness and empathy ever be bad traits in a leader? It's a classic case of too much of a good thing. Effective leaders are flexible and know how to balance their EI skills with appropriate shifts in particular situations.
Let's see how that aligns with the major domains identified by Daniel Goleman, the originator of the EI framework.
Self-management
Self-management is the ability to recognize your emotions and reactions and control them in a way that allows you to comport yourself in a professional manner. It doesn't mean that your emotions are invalid. It's a way of acknowledging them and then setting them aside to handle situations objectively. For example, you might be angry when your budget is denied. Setting that aside to make an advocacy plan for revisiting the most important items is more effective than venting your frustration to the decision-makers.
Self-management also comes into play when others criticize you. Negative feedback hurts, but there's often valuable information buried in even the harshest delivery. When someone slams you angrily, that says more about them than you because something else is fueling the anger. For example, when a shift supervisor declares, "This new safety training is garbage! It's wasting my people's time because it's way too long and they already know most of this information," your first instinct is to go on the defensive.
Strong self-management skills allow you to step back and ask yourself, "Why is her reaction so extreme?" It likely has nothing to do with you personally. She may be resentful of taking time for training because her team is under pressure to make quotas. She may be reflecting complaints she's heard from her employees. This overlaps with the empathy component of social awareness, another important EI skill.
The most effective response is to focus on areas where there might be valid concerns. Perhaps the training can be condensed or some of the content can be removed. It may need to stay as-is, but opening communication with the supervisor and coloring your objectivity with empathy shows her you take her concerns seriously.
However, if self-management is taken to an extreme, you may become invulnerable to negative feedback. Don't polish your reactions to such an extreme that legitimate negative feedback slides off the surface and is never absorbed or considered.
Relationship management
When you have high EI, you effectively manage your interactions with others. You place value on maintaining solid working relationships. This facilitates collaboration, which is critical for training and development leaders who assess needs, solicit buy-in from leaders, recruit subject matter experts, and oversee the delivery of training across the organization.
When taken to an extreme, relationship management inhibits creativity by putting the focus more on conformance to others' input than on exploring innovative lines of thought (Chamorro-Premuzic & Yearsley, 2017). Be open to other viewpoints while advocating for yours and showing the value you can add in a respectful way.
When you manage others, they rely on your honest feedback to support good performance and address improvement areas. However, you may be reluctant to delve deeply into the negative side for fear of damaging the relationship or hurting morale. Remember, it's kinder to provide honest feedback that addresses both strengths and weaknesses. This is true of the people you lead and also when talking to your own managers. Those who are higher up in your organization may not be receiving honest feedback regularly. It's scary to be the one to call them out when they're not addressing a vital training need or won't increase your budget to the necessary level, but if the need is real, they need to hear it.
Social awareness
The ability to read the room is critical for effective communication and for building and maintaining strong relationships. As with relationship management, it may also keep you from taking risks. Research shows that the best decisions are made when you challenge the status quo (Mueller, Harvey & Levenson, 2022). At best, groupthink stifles innovation by blocking ideas that go against established ways of doing things. At worst, it leads to bad decisions, with the Challenge space shuttle disaster being an extreme example (Schwartz & Wald, 2003).
Empathy is a major part of self-awareness. Put simply, it's being able to mentally slip into another person's shoes. It's not about agreeing with them, but rather, understanding how they feel and showing that understanding through body language and reflective verbal responses.
On the plus side, this opens you up to their viewpoint and helps you communicate with them more effectively. When you have genuine empathy, others sense it and respond positively.
Empathy can backfire, though. As a leader, you must sometimes communicate bad news or unpopular decisions. Getting too deeply in the mindset of those affected by the news can get in the way of delivering it effectively. Use self-management to help you balance duty and compassion.
Self-awareness
Fortunately, you can avoid the pitfalls in self-management, relationship management, and social awareness if you're skilled in another EI component: self-awareness. There's a reason that self-awareness is often considered the foundational element for leaders with strong EI. You must know your own strengths and weaknesses and be able to read your own emotions and objectively evaluate your thoughts before you can effectively practice your skills with others.
Self-awareness makes it easier to self-check, which supports effective self-management. It gives you the objectivity and understanding to build and support professional relationships and to set the stage for collaboration It helps you assess the best course of action by understanding the social implications.
Ironically, most leaders believe they are self-aware, yet research shows that only 10% to 15% actually have good self-awareness (Eurich, 2018). To learn more about self-awareness and make sure you're not part of that statistic, join me at my concurrent session, "The Secret Sauce of Emotionally Intelligent Leadership," at the Learning 2024 conference in October. We'll also explore ways that you can integrate EI skills into your personal leadership style and strategies you can use to become a more effective leader.
Join us at Learning 2024
Learning 2024 takes place December 4–6 at the Hilton Orlando Buena Vista Palace in Orlando, Florida. Choose from dozens of strategic, informative, and innovative sessions; enjoy informal networking with peers at all levels of learning leadership, and find inspiration over three days of learning and fun. Register today!
References
Beck, M. & Libert, B. (2017, Feb 15). The rise of AI makes emotional intelligence more important. Harvard Business Review.
Chamorro-Premuzic, T. & Yearsley, A. (2017, Jan 12). The downsides of being very emotionally intelligent. Harvard Business Review.
Eurich, T. (2018, Oct 19). Working with people who aren't self-aware. Harvard Business Review.
Miao, C., Humphrey, R., & Quian, S. (2018, Jun). A cross-cultural meta-analysis of how leader emotional intelligence influences subordinate task performance and organizational citizenship behavior. Journal of World Business.
Mueller, J., Harvey, S. & Levenson, A. (2022, Mar 7). How to steer clear of groupthink. Harvard Business Review.
Schwartz, J. & Wald, M. (2003, Mar 9). The nation: NASA's curse? Groupthink is 30 years old and still going strong. The New York Times.